Looking for advice? Have a general question about doggy etiquette? Drop me a line!

Dear Andrew, Can you help writing a biography about myself? Author In Training Dear Author, It would be my pleasure to help you since, as you know, this is my specialty. I need to have more details about who you are and what you're all about. When it comes to writing I can write till the cows come home since I'm such an interesting person and know everything there is to know about me. So, let's find out about you. With more info we can have a great time talking about you, an opporturity that is rare for me. Dear Andrew, I have a puppy named Max and he has a lot of friends and I was wondering if you could be his friend too. He's not feeling too well right now so I thought mabye if I read your letter to him (if you send one back to cheer him up) he will be so happy! Your Friend, Emily Post P.S. I want your book so bad! Dear Max, Sorry to hear your not feeling so hot. But if your mistress is anything like the Little Lady, she'll have you jumping through hoops in no time flat. I think friends are the greatest gift of all, except for any food product, and you never can have enough of either of them. I would love to be your friend. I don't know where you live but if it's nearby, stop in and let me bite your face. That's the only way I know of checking out who my real buds are. As for my book, it can be ordered through any major book store and online at Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble.com. As soon as my publishers decide whether they're coming or going and hire a P.R. firm, then they will be able to be found anywhere. Feel better, Andrew Dear Andrew, I have always wondered how and why do puppies and dogs speak a different type of speech? When my puppy gets in trouble and I say, "GO TO YOUR KENNEL, MAX!", he goes. It's like he understands me and I understand him! I feel I have a special bond with my puppy! Thanks a lot Andy! Emily Post Dear Emily, Dogs and puppies speak the same language and happen to understand people better then they understand themselves. It seems to me that they need to be given much more credit then they're given. The Little Lady and I have been on the same wave length since the day we laid eyes on each other, which is why we do not need words to communicate. Just feelings! Keep up that special relationship with Max and it will pay off for both of you. Dear Andy, There is a new puppy in my house named Liberace, and I am experiencing pangs of jealousy. I know that it's immature, but I can't help it! I didn't ask for another family member - no one consulted me, and now it's all about Liberace! I've thought about running away, but if I did that, it would be like cutting off my snout to spite my face. How do you think I should handle this situation? Jealous in Jersey Dear Jealous, I understand where you're coming from. I, myself was in a similar situation once. Here's what you need to do. Seeing how Liberace is still a puppy, he's probably just been housebroken, if that. Make a plan to soil the entire house, and let Liberace take the blame. Pretty soon, they will become so frustrated with Liberace, that he will be FINITO! But, for heaven's sake, DON'T GET CAUGHT! And if you do, you didn't hear any of this from me. Dear Andy, I am 14 years old (98 in dog years), and have become incontinent. And to tell the truth, it's getting a little embarrassing. Just last week, I let loose right in the middle of my mother's white mohair rug during her Ladies Auxiliary Luncheon! Do you have any products you would recommend to help me deal with this problem? Incontinent in Iowa Dear Incontinent, Like the Little Lady says, "When you gotta go, you gotta go!" I use Pouches Underdogs. They come in a variety of colors and textures for your type. I get Dirty Blond Dachshund, and you can't even tell I'm wearing anything! Dear Andy, Recently, I caught my girlfriend sniffing another dog's behind. Should I be nervous? Nervous in Naples Dear Nervous, Before jumping to conclusions you need to get some facts. Did it appear to be a friendly sniff, like, "Hey! How's it goin'?". Or did it seem more like a "Hubba, Hubba" kind of sniff. If it was the latter, I would dump the bitch.